Confessions of a Hypocrite

There was once a time in my life, when people who were close to me called me a prophet. A time when I felt so unimaginably close to God that during a tightly-clinched eyed prayer, I was physically unable to open my eyes for fear that He would be standing in front of me when I did. A time when I could literally feel the weight of sin. It was during this period of my life when I could meet strangers and end up crying with them as they told me their stories. When on more than one account, people whom I didn't know came up to me and said that I was so vibrant and alive that it was noticeable. It was after I first accepted Jesus into my heart and I was free in every sense of the word.

Not everyone has had this experience. In fact, I can imagine that many people would even say that it sounds crazy. I was a person who felt that such a thing is impossible. Until God opened himself up to me in a way that was the greatest and truest gift I'd ever received. However, it was a gift that was abused and squandered.

I write to confess today that I wasted this gift- throwing it away- by letting my desires, personal interests and self-serving attitude rule my life. Little by little I gave it away. And then I lived a long period of my life when I became separated from God. Resented Him even. Yet during all of this time I cherished the gift I threw away.

I am in a position in my life now where I have come back to Him. Where things have aligned in such a way as to allow me to pursue that gift and try to pick up the pieces. I learn more about the plan God has for my life every day. I am trying to align my life with His plan, but because of the foolish decisions I have made in the past it is strenuous and taking a long time. God has already abundantly blessed me and the path I am on now. And I thank Him every day for that.

I am a hypocrite- I've lived my life the way I thought was right and watched it fall into destruction over and over again. Then I blamed God for the disaster I brought upon myself. Only now have I really dedicated myself to living rightly. And I pray that one day I will once again feel the way I felt in those days.

This season of lent, as I go deep spiritually and in my practices, I challenge you to take the honest look at yourself and your decisions. And ask yourself, How can I deepen my spiritual walk, so that I can become close to God and learn the path he wishes that I take?

Peace and Love be with you all.